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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I've Moved

Legends of the Drunken Master has moved to Update you Feeds and BlogRolls.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

New Beginnings

This weekend I have this fucker's birthday party.

This is my best friend Jason. We are going to Keeneland for the day on Saturday. Then out to eat at Tomo's. Finally to the Blue Moon to shake our booty.

Plan on not hearing from me until Monday morning and probally not until later in the afternoon. Tonight Paddy Wagon's is on like Donkey Kong. I have a Beer Card that is begging to be finished. Tomorrow I have the day off, so I'm going to Keeneland with my brother for the Maker's Mark Thoroughbreds & Red Heads Day.

The Web-Divas will be implementing my new blog template sometime today, so look for the new look soon. Oh and I have purchased a domain name (, so update your BlogRolls.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Favorite Foods

1) Pretzels
2) General Tso’s chicken
3) Chicken & Dumplings from Cracker Barrel
4) Perogies
5) Reese’s peanut butter cups
6) Sushi
7) Burgoo – Keeneland makes the best
8) My mom’s spaghetti
9) Chocolate Delight – dessert a friend makes – delish
10) Shrimp – favorite food as a kid

Monday, April 11, 2005

Operation Party: Success

I came home Friday after work to a fridge full of party platters from Blimpie. Hopped in the shower to clean myself up from a hard days "work". Poured myself an Amberbock and watched the daily drama of my next door neighbor and her fuck buddy from a couple of doors down. I hope the never completely call it off. It's the best Soap Opera in town.

Nothing freaks ya out more than when a cop pulls into your parking lot to chit-chat with someone and you have underage people coming over to drink. He left and everyone arrived without incident. I should say one. My brother took the most hellathious dump in my toilet upstairs. As our mother would say, "The smell could gag a maggot."

With that out of the way we could party. And as everyone knows by now I love to party. There is something magical about having your own party. Knowing everyone is having a great time and you brought it together. The highlight of the night was when I called Tex to see if he was still gonna make it. I got the impression when I called that he wasn't. Not but ten minutes later someone hugs me from behind while I was outside smoking. I had no clue who it was. Seemed everyone was accounted for in my quick scan. Once I was free there was Tex. I love hanging out with this kid.

On with the pictures that we all know are worth a 1000.

You go Birthday Girl.

I'm like Charlie and his Angels.

Look at this kid. I taught him everything I know.

Arbanna and the Shocker. YEAH!

Tiny. That girl was just not right. LOL

Tex and his lady friends.
I taught him everything I know too.

Look at that booty. Absolutely fabulous.

What is with me an shit-eating gins.
Oh I know. A hottie on my front and back.

Birthday Girl Tara dancing under the stars.

The PIMP says good-bye to the ladies.
And before I go. Licking Peppermint Schnapps off of boobies is mighty fun and delicious.

Hottie of the Week

Last week, Emperor Joe mentioned that Mena Suvari needs to be a Hottie. I replied, "You are absolutely correct." This week we have the stunning beauty from American Beauty and American Pie.

IMDb has a lot more info on Mena.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Party Tonight

That's right I'm having a suprise birthday party for the lovely Tara.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Oddly Enough

Last night I was at the Fun*Asylum for Manley's D&D game and the crew was waiting to get started. Two scantly clad ladies were strolling up the street with this dude. One girl was barely wearing a tank top that showed most of her tight stomach and her ass was hanging out of her shorts. Then we hear Helmut proclaim, "My old lady has panties that over more flesh than those shorts." Everyone busted out laughing.

peculiar about this scene is the dude was wearing a parka and the weather in KY was pushing over 70 degrees. Everyone came to the conclusion that this guy must be the girl's pimp. As the true PIMP knows pimps gotta be practical. A parka in the early evening of a hot spring day is just not practical.

At this point everyone had enough and flood outside to get a better look at the ladies. One was swing from the lamp post at this point. After some hooting, hollering, and cat-calls the girls scampered off to their apartment up the street. With the distraction gone we attempted to play D&D. As I have mentioned before many times a game will melt into dribble. We tried so hard to stay on task but that distraction was etched into our craniums.

The game session was over and we parted ways, Manley and I walked up to the street corner to where I had to cross the street and he had to head in the opposite direction to his apartment. There that girl was bent over the railing in front of her apartment. Could the gods be any crueler too me?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


No I'm not out asking the blogsphere to help me end my dry spell. But if there are any takers. *WINK*

I just thought it amusing the other day while driving to work I saw a bull mounting a heifer. Just going to town. Animals having sex is some of the funniest shit on the planet. You know that scene in Bad Boys 2 when Marin Lawrence sees two rats humping. He crackles over the radio to Will Smith, "Papa rat is humping mama rat. They have sex like we do." You get the idea: animals having sex is funny. Makes me laugh every time.

Now Paula over at UltraBlog was commenting on this news story, and I had read the same thing over at Yahoo! News. The stories rehashs the findings that teens are having more oral sex than vaginal sex. I said to myself, "Well duh." When President Clinton says on National TV that it's not sex what are kids gonna think. Oral sex is sex, people. Look! It has the word "sex" in it.

Why do we have to be such a sexually repressed nation? For those of us that have had sex we know it feels good. Oh did I mention the monsoon season hasn't started yet.

On a side note, Playdough Enterprises has finally (with bated breath) updated their blog with some choice phatties. Maybe I could slap one of those phatties and ride the wave to the Promise Land.

Ten on Tuesday

10 News Stories You Are Sick Of

1) Sprint-Nextel merger
2) GW rants
3) Hillary Clinton rants
4) NCAA Tournament – poor Cats
5) Excuses about Fuel Costs
6) War in Iraq
7) Britney Spears being fat
8) Martha Stewart
9) The Pope
10) Michael Jackson and his Jesus Juice

Monday, April 04, 2005


What a relatively boring ass weekend I had.

I watched Degrassi and RFR which I haven't gotten to see in a long time since I have been watching SciFi Channel on Fridays. My brother had some friends over to cook their "family" dinner. Normally they cook in the dorm, so I got to give him all kinds of shit. It was so much fun embarrassing him in front of his friends. They loved it and he took it well. What are brothers for?

Saturday I got up fairly early because I thought I was going to get my hair cut. Carolyn had called me earlier in the week to schedule it for a later time on Saturday which quite honestly was better. I could actually sleep in, but she called me early to let me know she might have to cancel since her daughter had gotten sick while spending the night at a friends. Carolyn never called me back so I thought I was still getting my hair cut. At 10:30 I was at Salon 116 and waited. Waited for about 20 minutes before I left. Hopefully Carolyn will call me to reschedule.

Next was my usually D&D Minis tournament at Fun*Asylum. I had to play Manley Holiday in the first round. I'm the man with the best win percentage I have bragging rights and most people boast that they are gonna take me down. Very few accomplish that. What was too funny is that Manley and I brought the same exact Warbands to the table. Die rolls prevailed on his part and won the match. He then had to play two other exciting matches; one of which he did lose. My next two matches were a joke since I had to play two of the younger kids and both gave up before the match was over. I felt bad. I felt worse scoring a second place finish over Manley's fourth place finish. I didn't even have to work for any of the results.

After that I stayed late to play in a Star Wars minis tournament that featured the new set that was released that day. We had twelve people play in a tournament that cost $40 because you had to buy a starter and a booster. What an amazing turnout. It was a blast.

It was eleven o'clock and I rolled over to my parents to drop the G.D.O. ("garage door opener" if you are a Stargate SG-1 geek) that I forgot to do when I left Friday. I also needed to pick all the stuff I left there. It was late Friday and I just wanted to sleep in my own bed for a change. My mom washed my cloths for me that I left there even washed my A&F scrub pants that I didn't even wear that week. Also nicked my 4-quart pot my mom bought be back in college. Works wonders for cooking pasta; no boiling over. Then I went home and watched Unfaithful.

Sunday morning I woke up to candle wax all over the place. See the night before I was trying to gingerly melt two candles together. Then I forgot about those candles when I went to bed. Thank goodness I didn't burn the apartment down. I had wax pooled on each shelf and nice drip paths down the top to the bookshelf down to the bottom. Wax was splattered all over the carpet and pulled in a huge hunk in front of the bookshelf which I have still not gotten up. Most of the wax is off the bookshelf but still all over the carpet. Anyone have any ideas?

Went and played D&D like I normally do on Sunday afternoons. I came home and started watching 10 Things I Hate About You. About halfway through the movie the doorbell rings. My doorbell never rings. Guess who it is? Come on any guess. Well it was the crazy neighbor that likes to interrupt me while I'm watching TV. I was nice this time and invited her in. Let me tell she pushes my envelop of patients. She comes into my house and proceeds to tell me about all her "love" problems and shit. Like I give a rat's ass about her issues. At least it made me get up and put my laundry away that was clean before last weekend but never put away because I was taking care of the mutt.

Did I mention I forgot to change the time on my clocks so I missed church on Sunday too. I had every intention of going. While I was talking to the crazy neighbor I changed my clocks too.

This morning I went to the bathroom to poop like I usually do in the morning and someone had pissed all over the seat. I'm not talking a little dribble here and there but all over the fucking seat. Like the guy was a fucking painter. Took me like five minutes to wipe the thing off. I'm enjoying my poop and the guy that entered the stall next to me screeches like a girl and shouts, "Cockroach!" My goodness what a wuss. Hopefully the rest of the week will be better, sports-fans.

Hottie of the Week

Over the weekend I borrowed Unfaithful from my parents starring Diane Lane. What a steamy thriller. I highly recommend it. For that Diane Lane is this week's hottie.

Ms. Lane has that unbelievable smile. She has a nice pair of legs too. Check out her official site for more information.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Downward Spiral

I wasn't going to post anything about Paddy Wagon's last night because frankly it sucked ass and I don't want people to feel obligated to give condolences through cyberspace on a trivial matter. I inquired with Kristi about dinner, and she explained she had a boyfriend and didn't realize I was asking like that. Well true I was asking like that but wasn't expecting anything but companionship. Then she said we can still do it as friends which is just a cop out. I'm not going to get in the way and possible cause issues. Seems I'm only ever good enough to be someone's friend.

Now on to the good stuff. Beer. Several people had to take it easy on the spending for next couple of weeks because they just recently got permanent employment I was left drinking with Ben's two friends, Hungry and Andrew. These guys are OK but I barely know them and don't appreciate people that give me shit when they don't know me. I was "late" last night because I have a Commissioner's meeting.

Beer number one for the evening was Murphy's, an Irish Stout. Like all stouts was dark and creamy. It was interesting reading the propaganda on the can about the "draughtflow" that makes the beer pour from the can as if it was from a tap. Good stuff. Give it a try if you like dark beers or stouts.

Beer number two was a Negra Modelo, Mexican dark beer. My Internet research showed that Grupo Modelo brews Pacífico and even Corona. I guess we can call these the Anheuser-Busch of our neighbors to the south. Needless-to-say, Negra Modelo was an excellent beer. I would even say it's better than Dos Equis, and I love Dos Equis. If you like Dos Equis or dark beers you gotta give Negra Modelo a whirl.

Beer number three was a trusty Amberbock and we all know how I feel about this gem. I decided to save the rest of the beers on the Card for when I could celebrate with friends. I wasn't feeling my normal celebratory mood at this moment and wanted to go home.

On a side note, Kristi was convinced to discuss with the owner about adding a couple of more beers to the List. I was out last summer at one of my favorite restaurants in Lexington called the Atomic Cafe. They serve some of the best Caribbean food. The have this rum cake with fresh fruit that is to die for. Atomic was serving a micro-brew from a company called Flying Dog. Doggie Style was their darker beer and with a name like that I was hooked. The stuff is awesome.

Before anyone asks. None of this is an April Fool's joke.