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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Embarrassing Moment

Last May, I went to this girl's house for an after Finals party. Now mind you I used to sleep with this girl. There was several people from my fraternity that are still in school and some of her sorority sisters. It was a nice small and casusal get together. Everyone was drinking and having a good time.

The group started playing I, never. Now what got to be funny is that most everyone there knows everyone pretty well and their exploits. Someone had said, "I've never had sex with a Phi Tau Alum." The girl I had sex with had to drink. Obviously. Now what was funny is a couple of girls where like, "Caitlin?" Everyone laughed because she and one of my little brothers, Whampler, had been having freaky-deaky fuck buddy sex. There are two things about Whampler that I will add to his epitaph when he passes. One his ability to drink some of the nastiest alcohol imaginable and two, his ability to get ass. The game continues and everyone is called out for something. I got shafted on one. "I've never had sex in the bathroom at the sorority house." Shit. I had to drink twice. My "X" and this girl.

We continue drinking and such. At this point I'm not really caring that the girl I used to screw('s) "boyfriend" is there. Weird fucker anyway. One of my brothers J-Rod rolls up after getting off work at the movie theater. He and I smoke a big phat J on the front porch. Yeah you heard that right the PIMP was smoking a boobie. Now I had been sipping on a nice screwdriver and I was buzzed from the alcohol by now. I took about three puffs and I was baked. There I sat on the front porch stoned out of my gorde. I was so gone that I felt retarded.

Then it hit me. My stomach said, "Time to exacuate all non-essential calories." I stood up and hurled all over the Herbie that was in the front yard. I ran to the side of the house and threw up some more. Here is the good part. I was heaving so hard I sharted my pants. Opps.

I was pretty much done so I went to the bathroom to clean up myself and my drawers. I got into the bathroom and locked the door. Did want anyone to see Lil' Mikey. hehe. It hit me again. I bowed down to that Porclein God and launched the blackest vomit I had ever seen. I just sat there heaving a couple of more times. Begging to pass out. I just laid there on the floor trying to hold on so I wouldn't spin out of control.

I woke up with someone knocking at the door. "Come on. I need to go to the bathroom." There I was curled up hugging the sink cabnet. I got up and walked out. Felt like I had been hit by a Mac truck. I sat down on the couch and recounted what I thought happened to me. Here is were it gets freaky. Real quick like. There was some random dude that showed up while I was passed out. It was like two in the morning and everyone wanted to go to bed and this dude would not get the hint and leave. The girl's "boyfriend" had a taser. That's right a taser. A fucking taser. To weak to really do anything. My mind was freaking out. This guy is going to taser my ass. Really he just wanted to taser the random dude. Whewoo.

The night was done and I curled up into a Papas-an chair to sleep off the rest of the Funk.