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Friday, December 31, 2004

Drunk Tank = Bad

My co-worker Emperor Joe and I were outside smoking, and I contemplated where I was going to crash for the evening because my mission is to get sloppy drunk. Joe said, "You are spending the night in the drunk tank." I promptly exclaimed, "Hell fucking no. I have done that once and it's not happening again."

You are probably scratching heading wondering how in the heck a guy who calls himself the Drunken Master ends up in the drunk tank. My brother just started college this year and it was the first weekend after school started. I, some of his boys, and several ladies went out to a club. We spent sometime there I had a beer and a Jager Bomb, but the ladies wanted to go to this party they heard about. I look at my brother and told him, "Let's make the ladies happy."

We roll up to the party and the apartment is packed with people. Prospects looking good. Someone tells us that the beer is in the fridge. Sweet. Beer is consumed, converse with the ladies, and teach my brother how to play Beer Pong. More people show up and the outside parking lot is packed. I'm thinking this can't last much longer but I'm buzzed. I didn't care. I wander outside and low-and-behold I meet some of my fraternity brothers from Eastern's chapter. Good group of guys. One kid had two beers stacked one on top of each other and started drinking. Spilled beer all down his shirt. He had both beers open. Crazy. I tried to introduce my brother to these guys, but he kept wandering off. He was pretty shit-faced at the time.

As the inevitable happens, the cops showed up. I had stopped drinking awhile back because I figured I had to be the good big brother and drive everyone home. The cops are breaking up the party. I'm desperately trying to find my brother to get him out of there with a beer in my hand. key point. Like I said he's REAL drunk. The cops stopped me and asked me what I was doing. I told them that I was trying to find my brother. They asked me to pour out the beer. I asked, "Why?" Then the "pigs" proceeded to knock the beer out of my hand, cuff me, and take me to the cruiser. SHIT!!

The officer takes to me what the residents of Richmond, KY call the Madison Radisson. Supposedly it's a nice jail with TVs and square meals. I proceed through booking. They take my belt, keys, wallet, and cell phone. They give me back my cigarettes. I look at them and ask, "Can I get something to light these with?" They give me a box of matches. They then put me in a 8x10 concrete room with a toilet/sink and 9 other guys. I sit down and proceed to light up. Three guys at once ask for a cigarette. I'm thinking, "Sure buddy just leave my asshole alone." The night proceeds with some fairly jovial conversation considering we are in a drunk tank. I finally get a mattress that I can lie down on and try to get some sleep. It was like 1AM when I went in. I won't bore you with the rest of the details; I spent 10.5 hours in that place, even got breakfast. And to top it all off I was SOBER going into the tank.

See people, the Drunk Master even does stupid shit when he is sober. Everyone have a safe New Year's and remember the Drunk Tank is a bad thing.

Beer @ Work

10 reasons why beer should be served at work ...

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
6. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
7. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
8. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
9. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
10. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross".

Is there not so much truth in these ten little reasons.

The Phenomenon Known Only as Melara

I would like to take this time to introduce my readership to a beautiful young woman named Melara. I stumbled across her while perusing through one of my favorite DeviantArt photographers, darkmatterzone. Her beauty just stunned me. This could be the pure artistic talent of her photographers but her eyes just reach into your soul. Her features are smooth and elegant. Everyone of her photos drips with sexiness.

Be sure to visit her DeviantArt page and leave some comments.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Bored @ Work

As usual I spend a large portion of my mutli-tasking energy to surf BlogExplosion. One to generate credits and two to find stuff to read. I ran accross this chica's blog: UltraBlog. What peaked my interest is that she did the Happy Bunny quiz from a co-worker's blog, Mooley. It never ceases to amaze me how the Internet makes this great big world smaller. I remember having PenPals in grade school from other countries and you got a glimse of how someone in another country lives. With the Internet everything is an open book.

So when you are bored and don't know what to blog about you throw up blogthings. I think this bunny fits me.

you smell like butt
congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

WeatherBug, Damn You

This can mark: Stupid People - part 2.

Argh, WeatherBug can eat my ass. There are several things at work that really chafe my ass. One of them is having to fix mFieldworks. This thing is a beast. What program out there do you have to delete icons off the Desktop for a clean uninstall. Then it takes 3 different "installs" to get it to completely install. And then the fucker doesn't always work.

But anyway. I got this Fucktard on the phone. {For those scratching his/her head. I have the unique ability to invent new colorful metaphors as Spock from StarTrek 4 would call them. Fucktard is a fucking retarded idiot. End moment.} He needs mFieldworks fixed. I'm like great; I'm going to be on the phone for 45 minutes. It took me like 30 just to uninstall the damn thing. Important is the fact that this guy needed to have his WeatherBug. I'm thinking, "Dude you ever heard of weather dot com?" WeatherBug used to be this great program that installed a little SysTray icon that just displayed the current temperature. You click on the icon and get it would give you all kinds of up-to-date weather info. NOW this thing has turned into this monstrosity of advertisement bullshit and spyware.

I beg you people get rid of WeatherBug and install the Weatherfox extension for Firefox.

Old Toys Rediscovered

It's an awesome feeling when you dig out an old toy from the pile of crap that has buired it. It's like finding a lost treasure.

That has happened to me the other day. I had been meaning to get a replacement backup battery for my Dell Axim PDA. With increased responsibilities of a Unit Commissioner, I need something to keep my life organized. Emperor Joe brought in his iPAQ and even the Reverend had his. I wouldn't be left out of the cool kid's circle at work. I got that bad boy out and working in superb fashion. Joe and I have been "beaming" themes back and forth to each other. PocketPC Themes has some great ones.

The Reverend was gracious enough to bring in an extra screen protector for me. It is very cool. Keeps the screen from getting those stylus scratches. Scratchy porn is such a waste.

The next stage of PDA pimpdom is to get a WiFi CompactFlash network card, so I can spoof all those open wireless networks in my neighborhood.

Please donate to the Beer Fund.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Thong Song

Sisqo was on the money with that little ditty.
I was running through BlogExplosion and came across All Things Jen(nifer) and she is on a quest for some new thongs. What a worthy cause.

It is amazing how a thong just makes a woman's derriere just pop.

I miss that Peek-a-Boo Thong craze when woman wore those hip hugging jeans where the thong would creep out the back. How titillating is that? Hell! Brilliant entrepreneurs are putting all kinds of accessories on thongs now. Bows, tassles, rhinestones, and beads. Women, wear those thongs and make your men happy.

And guys be sure to donate to Jennifer's good cause. The PIMP has done his civic duty.

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Personal Highlights of 2004

1) Throwing a kick ass house-warming party in my new apartment
2) I’m actually capable of living on my own
3) Met some great Internet friends @
4) Incredible down by 7 in the last inning win for the Legends
5) Weekly D&D groups – yes I’m a big geek
6) My brother graduating high school
7) Driving around smoking cigars with my brother after his graduation
8) UK Hockey games with my brother
9) Yearly pilgrimage to Columbus, OH to attend Origins
10) Creating this BLOG

Monday, December 27, 2004

What Did You Get?

Well people Christmas is over. I'm bloated from all the cookies I ate. On to what really matters, "What did Santa get you for Christmas?"

As I had asked. I got several DVDs. Two Towers extended, Return of the King extended, and The Soprano's: season 4. I'm a hog in heaven getting to finally watch Season 4. I only caught the first couple of episodes before I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. At least one good think about that break up was that I made her pay for HBO.

My mother got me some placemats for my kitchen table and a candle. Now she didn't get me anything to put that candle in. What's up with that?

My father got me the really cool Cross ION pen. The pen tip extracts from the barrel by pulling it apart. I thought these pens were really cool, but not for $25.00.

As my mother does every year for my brother and I, a Christmas Tree ornament. This year's was made by a lady in our church. A hand painted mini gourd.

Now on for the grand finale. I got a fucking toothbrush. It seems in addition to the ornament my mother must find it amusing to get me something completely uncool for Christmas.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Merry Christmas

Well it's Christmas Eve.
I hope Santa will be good to you.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Great Invention

While surfing Yahoo! News I found this article. What a brilliant invention. What guy doesn't like to fall asleep in a woman's lap. Hell I remember how comforting it is when I was a child to lay my head down in my mother's lap.

Now who hasn't sung the line from Corner Shop's, "Brimful Of Asha" - Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow. Gentleman is this not the truth. Isn't it the best feeling to be snuggled up next to a sensual woman laying your head on her breast. I think that's the money maker, a pillow shaped like a pair of breats. Now don't any of you fuckers steal my idea.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

My Crusade

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine, and she asked me what I was doing. I said, "I'm working on ridding the world of feminine hygiene product advertisements."

Why do we need them? Who needs to know about that "not so fresh feeling" or leakage can happen from long periods of sitting? I don't know a single woman that would wear white on the days that Captain Estrogen pays her a visit. Right there that's false advertising.

Now on to the metaphysical thinking on this matter. Tampons and Pads are just like Peanut Butter. Peanut Butter? Most definately. I had a management teacher tell me once that there are only 3 kinds of peanut butter people in the world. JIF, Skippy, and Peter Pan. You are brand loyal from birth. You buy whatever your mother bought. I think feminine hygiene products are the same way. Do you really want to go experimenting with something new and untested at that crucial time?

Christmas Tree is Up

Since the Keg Tree idea didn't quite pan out, my father got me a 3' tree from Wal-Mart a couple days ago. Last night I found some time to setup the tree. I pulled it out of the box and the branches all fell into place. Cake. I simply loath putting the family fake tree together. It's such a pain in the ass and your hands hurt afterwards because the needles are made out of hard flexible plastic that pokes the shit out of your hands. Poor thing still reminded me of that Charlie Brown Christmas twig. I position the tree next to the wall to see how it looks. Looks like the circus midget of the Christmas Tree family.

I start stringing the lights around the tree and that was a bit of an ordeal. You would think that a guy with a college education would just simply pull the tree away from the wall and just spin the tree as the lights wrap around it. Nope I struggled as I tried to position the lights on the side of the tree that faced the wall. Dumbass. Then it dawns on me. Turn the lights on and it sparkles. Perfect.

Time for the ornaments. That Charlie Brown Christmas twig notion gets worse as I start putting my ornaments on it. The strings are all too long since they are made for a normal frickin tree. Branch is here and the ornament hangs down to levels of branches. Plus my ornaments aren't small little things either and take up huge real estate on the tree. Well most of the ornaments are on and there are no bare or over-bearing spots.

Tonight I need to setup the train and make a star. No christmas tree is complete without a star. This is the one redeeming quality in a fake tree, they have that one "branch" that sticks straight up ready to accept whatever christmas tree topper you can think of.

Dysfunctional Family

** WARNING - this post is going to ramble **

When I was growing up I thought I had the most perfect family. Boy was I wrong. I had a mom and a dad, a dog, and even a sibling. What is interesting is I never thought it was odd that my sister only visited like once a month. I had a sister but never had to deal with all the sibling rivalry crap. She was my half sister and lived with her mother. It was the coolest thing. I always looked forwarded to when my Sis would come visit. Then my brother was born and I thought that was the coolest thing ever. I loved to feed him. Babies must not be born with taste buds because formula taste like seepage from a garbage dump.

Another odd thing about growing up in my house was this painting that hung in the downstairs bathroom. It was a very abstract-like picture of a woman taking a shit. It even had siggley lines near the woman's backside that I just assumed were her turds. It gets better. She is naked while doing this private act. I can't say that this painting screwed up my life but it speculates what was going through my parents' mind. I always felt a bit sheepish when I went into the bathroom. Now the painting hangs in my apartment hallway.

My family moved to KY because my father found a better paying job in 1989. As we all know many families relocated during the mid to late 80s due to the economic conditions of the US. My circle of friends was the top dogs and I was ripped away from all of that. I hated my parents so much for that grief. I will have to say that I so glad I got to spent the rest of my years growing up in KY.

Remember that little brother that I was so keen on? Well I started my teenage years. I'll leave it at that. I would have to say that I got him back. While he was the big swinging dick in high school he had to live with this big brother living at home. Now that he is in college we have a better relationship. We are like two bother growing up, fighting and but still friends that can hang out. And when I have had enough of him I can just go home to my place.

Finally what really prompted this post is the simple fact that I'm older and well a tad more educated so that I can now spot actual forms of dysfunction instead of merely speculating. For example the hilarity when my brother immates my mother's hand gestures when she is going into a tisey about something. My brother tells my mother, "Get a grip." My mother fires back, "I'll get a grip." It some quality entertainment to watch those two. They both get quite spastic. Now that you have gained a little more insight into my past post some of you dysfuntional family stories.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

The Verdict is Out

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Ten on Tuesday

Ten New Year's Resolutions

1) Meet new people
2) Go out and just drink a beer more often
3) Read my comics more regularly
4) Improve my skills as a GM for my D20 Modern game
5) Attend Origins and GenCon this year
6) Acquire a new computer
7) Visit my true friends more often
8) Watch a whole season of a TV show
9) Hang out with my brother more
10) Find a caring female to share companionship with

Monday, December 20, 2004

When to Hold 'Em & When to Fold 'Em

Saturday I drove an hour and half to Bardstown, KY. A little town that has much history in the state of KY. I went there to see one of my fraternity brothers, Dennis, who I don't to see all that often. He and his new wife, Shelly, where graciously hosting a $20 buy-in Texas Hold 'Em tournament.

I was feeling pretty lucky that day because previous at the Shop I won a HeroClix tournament that I had no right really playing in. I was just there to participate to get a free Aunt May bystander token for a buddy at work. Then I won the D&D Minis tournament and my booster pull was a Huge Gold Dragon. A $35 figure. w00t!

KY is a great state. There is so much to see, but its not a small state by any means; which means driving. I hate to drive or ride for that matter. Beam me up, Mr Scott? The forcast for the weekend was supposed to be rain and then snow. I only hit patches of rain on the way down there. Just a sight side rant: MapQuest blows for directions sometimes.

I arrive after getting turned around a couple times with my good buddies greeting me at the door. It was good to be someplace work. I wasn't able to go to the housewarming party, so I hadn't seen Dennis's new place yet. I got the grand tour. Nice place. As a Maker's Mark ambassador, I was very impressed with a fellow ambassador's collection. Mind you this is Shelly that has put this fine collection together. I was very impressed and hope one day my collection is half as impressive. We went outside to the garage to have a smoke and show me where we were going to be playing. It was warm out there. Dennis had purchased a propane heater and man was it toasty. It was perfect. We could smoke, spill beer, and even throw peanuts on the floor. We went back inside to nibble on a few munchies that Shelly and my fraternity brother Jason's girlfriend, Elizabeth, slaved making. Maybe I exaggerated a bit, but it was delicious none-the-less.

We get started and break down into two tables of seven people. Starting out the deals go slow as everone is getting into the swing of things. One funny moment was when Jason got pissed off because he won a deal when everyone fold cause he bet too large and Elizabeth told everyone what his hand was. He was bluffing. Then the excitment got going when Dan, a friend of Dennis that I ment that night, went All-In. He had a Pocket Pair but didn't have anything after all the cards were shown. Our first victim of the evening. Shelly as the awesome hostess that she was awarded Dan with a door prize. I got luck on the River a couple hands to bring me into at least third place at my table. Top 3 from each table played another game with their chips reset. All I had to do was play conservatively and I would probally at least get my money back. But no. Since I was pretty big on chips and the other leaders weren't too far ahead of me, I decided to play my Six/Nine, Off Suit. On the Flop I had a pair. I bet and my big brother, Goose, calls me. OK maybe he is starting to bluff. This kid is stone cold. It's hard to read him. Forth Street comes and its another six. Now I have 3 of a Kind. Goose checks and I bet big and he calls me again. The River comes and it's another Queen now I have a Full House. The Goose checks and I go All-In. The cards are turned and the fucker had a Full House too. Queens over Sixes. I should have known when he called me after the Flop at that point he had a pair of Queens. Like I said all night after that, "The Goose doesn't bluff."

I was out and went inside for more food. I got into a game called Left, Right, Center. Played that for a few rounds and won a few dollars. Very cool game look for it at your Local Game Shop.

The real fun started after Dennis was put out on a bad beat. We didn't hear the end of it all night. It's Poker man, sometimes Lady Luck smiles on other people even when the hand is in your favor. Now Beer Pong could begin. If you don't know what Beer Pong you are missing out. I'm not going to explain it because every place has a different sent of rules but it's all basically the same. You toss a ping pong ball into a cup and the other team has to drink. I suck at Beer Pong but it's a great way to get drunk. It's a blast. Dennis teams up with Jason and I team up with my other fraternity brother Dustin. We lost but held them to 2 cups. The Beer Pong Dream Machine of Dennis and Jason went undefeated for 5 games. At this point they had a good buzz. The were in their final game of the evening. The opposing team mounted a decent lead but our boys were able to make a comeback. Both teams were down to their final cups. After many attempts the opposing team sinks their ball. The Dream Team had finally been defeated.

The Dream Team was pissed. Now what is funny about this is that Elizabeth was ready for bed but Jason wanted a rematch. What did she do. She made Jason take two Jager Bombs back to back, and he was gone. We put Jason to bed but somehow he wondered out of the bedroom and in true Huber fashion he strolled out with his ass hanging out of his boxers. Though much hooting and hollering we put him back to bed and he passed out.

The tournament was over and the Dream Team unseated, everyone either went home or went to bed. In the morning we were greeted with some gorgeous white powder on the roofs and lawns. Once again I have to thank you Dennis and Shelly for a wonderful evening.

Friday, December 17, 2004

O Tannenbaum

Hopefully you read my previous post about my desires to start my own Christmas traditions. My travels through cyberspace brought me to what has to be the perfect tree for me. Ain't it grand.

Stupid People - part 1

Well this is part 1 since undoubtly I will comment again and again about the stupid people I have to support at my job.

It's the holiday season and lots of people around the US are using up that vacation time their employers have so graciously provided them. That hopefully sounded a bit sarcastic since I work at EDS as a Kelly Services contracted employee. This means I don't get vacation time. Anyways the influx of employees on vacation is no different at Nextel.

I called a lady up that was having an issue with her VPN. VPN is a means to dial up from home to access a corporate network. She mentioned that she had to run downstairs to get in front of the computer. I asked, "Are you in a Nextel office?" She says, "No. I'm on vacation until the end of the year." I explain, "You will have to come into the office for me to do any kind of additional troubleshooting." She proceeds to throw a fit.

Here I'm thinking, "Why the fuck are you working while you're on vacation?" I thought vacation was a courtesy of the employer to let the employee have some personal time. Why would you waste that valuable vacation time just to work from home. And you know this is not the first time I have encountered this with Nextel employees. I took several philiosophy classes in college. Several of which were logic courses. I guess people just don't think anymore. That or Nextel brainwashes their employees.

Now to take the normal digression my thought process goes down. Another thing that kicks me in the balls with these Nextel people is that they always bitch about having to come into the office. I'm a Remote Desktop agent which means that I have to connect to the computer to be able to assist the employee. They don't seem to get that if VPN isn't working then they aren't connected to the network. Which means I can't remote into the computer.

Stupid People. Look for future installments.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I'm gonna let it loose

For the Emperor, who has no Pimp Juice


For those who don't know this is Archbishop Don Magic Juan, a former pimp. I recall when I first saw this character. He was on the Howard Stern Show conversing with Howard about his days as pimp. Bring in the money and managing the hoes. Look at this guy he is the iconic pimp of every generation. Ghetto fabulous to the max.

Now many people in cyberspace know me as the PIMP. I consider myself a stylized modern-day pimp. Now what does that mean, you ask. I like to think that I dress myself well. Not metro-sexual or anything but fashionably. I love women and like to surround myself with their sensuality. No matter the package. I love to party and need to make sure other people are having a wonderful time.

For me P.I.M.P. is an attitude. The way you present yourself to your peers. Unabashed and unashamed. Rock out with your cock out. Hang out with your wang out. Party like a rock star.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Merger of Smaller Proportions

Announced this morning, Sprint is planning on buying Nextel. Read about it here.

It has caused a lot of hub-bub among the muckity-muck at work today. For those that don't know I work for EDS which provides IT support for Nextel. The announcement has caused increased ticket volume because employees couldn't view the web broadcast of the annoucement. Yeah more work for me. We speculated when and how this would affect our jobs at EDS. But for the most past we had fun figuring out what to call the new company. Here is one company logo we came up with.

Fun. ain't it.


Let me tell you there is not much that really grates on my last nerve but this girl that lives near me has done it. Before my old roommate moved out she would always come over and talk to him well after 11. I would sit and listen some nights and interject a little comedy. When it was time for bed I would just leave and go down stairs. Now that my old roommate has moved out she now comes over and wants to talk to me for hours. I really didn't care all that much at this point because I tought she was attractive and wouldn't mind a piece.

Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. She always comes over rings the door bell and just barges in. Which let me tell ya even though I know her pisses me off. It's rude. I have even tried to explain this to her. Now she is one of these girls that wants to talk your ear off. I don't watch a great deal of TV but if I'm watching it I'm wanting to watch it. She came in and just sat down on my couch between my new roommate and myself. My new roomate has only been moved in for a couple of weeks. I pointed at the TV and said, "Watching TV." Then her cell phone rings and she prceeds to answer it. Didn't excuse herself. Just started blabbing right there. WTF! After she gets off the phone, she wants to tell me about her day and I said, "Watching TV." While pointing at the TV. Seeing if she would get a clue. Nope. After a little bit more of telling her I'm watching TV, she got up and left. A bit pissed off too. Good. Maybe she won't bother me anymore.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You Are Chocolat Orange Pocky

Your attitude: funky and flavorful
Rich and deep - yet zingy and zesty
You are the perfect partner in crime

Monday, December 13, 2004

Christmas Tree

I was over at Yano's bit of the web reading about how she and her husband are deciding on a tradition for their Christmas Tree. Made me think about some of my own traditions. When I lived in PA my family always had a real tree sitting on top of a platform with a model train. It was always my responsibility to water the tree and I loved doing it. When the family moved to KY my mother made the executative decision to get a fake tree. Fake tree ment no more setting up the platform and our Lionel trains. We have tried with our G scale trains, but they are more suited for the outdoors than carpet. Now that my grandfather has passed away there isn't a time that a train that goes by that I don't get teary-eyed.

My mother has been collecting ornaments for my brother and I that way he and I don't have a bare tree when we start a family. She has been doing it for several years now. I also have several ornaments as Christmas gifts from WizKids Games. These are thank yous from WizKids to their Envoys, those people that organize events for them at the local level. Now that I have moved out of my parent's house I think it's time I have a tree of my own. I'm thinking a little fake tree with blue and white lights. I have a small HO train set my grandparents got me in England. And those ornaments. I have a feeling it's going to be like that Charlie Brown's Christmas twig with the ball on top. The poor branches won't know what to do. hehe.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Psychopath, maybe?

Here is a bit of behavior for my readership to analyze. I was chatting to my brother this morning on AIM and he is freaking out. This is not good since finals are coming up next week. He says that his ex-GF might be pregnant. She is two months late but has taken two pregnacy test. Both are negative. Now in my mind I'm trying to recontruct events of the past two month because things were not quite clicking in my head. About two month ago I had gone over to his dorm because he said they were setting up a Slip-N-Slide. I wasn't going to miss that fun but I did. Regardless, I end up getting drunk and making out with this RA that my brother had been getting regular blow jobs from. Gentleman, whiskey dick is a horrible thing. Point being, my brother didn't fuck her two months ago. It gets better though. A couple days after that weekend I went over to the dorm to watch "Real World." She off the cuff mentioned that whe was on the rag. OK. Moving on about a month later she moves out of the dorm and into an apartment. I go over there to drop some beer off to my brother. Once again she mentions that, "We better have sex tonight, I start my period tomorrow." Here we have two instanced where this girl mentions she has been visited by what I like to call, "Captain Estrogen."

I would think that if I was two month late for my period I would be calling home to my mother crying. Then after I became rational I would go to the doctor to make sure that I was pregnant or not. Female readers please comment on this because this is purely male speculation.

Bottom line. I said to my brother, "I give better odd to an Emaculate Conception."

Sexy & Sultry

Once again a fabulous artist, Lori Hanson, stepped up to the plate to transform my vision of an RPG character into "real life." Here she realized my notions of a hot, slutty elven bard named Adriana Ambrosio.

Be sure to check out Lori's DeviantArt page.

Trilogy complete

I made it to the movie theater last night and say Blade: Trinity with my brother. I was really excited when I first saw an unedited preview of the "rescue" scene from a message board. Did some further research and found out that the guy who penned the first two scripts, David S. Goyer, was going to be directing. After that tidbit expections ran higher. Here is the guy that wrote the first two movies finally gets to bring his vision to realization. If you check out IMDb Goyer doesn't have a rich list of credits under his belt. This is only the second movie he has ever directed, so this could be awesome or flop real bad. I have a feeling Blade: Trinity will springboard Goyer's career as a director. I was impressed with the overall presentation of the movie. Moving on to the analysis of its parts.

Ryan Reynolds. Love this guy. I was hoping that he would be a bad ass sidekick for Blade and leave behind his goofiness from Van Wilder. I was wrong and let me tell ya I'm glad Reynold's character, Hannibal King, kept that Van Wilder tongue-in-cheek antagonistic dialogue. Reynolds will probally be type-casted from now on as that kind of actor but damn is his presentation good.

Jessica Biel.

Nuff Said.

Triple H. Several people I know weren't too impressed that another WWE star was trying to make a legitimate acting career. Triple H has presense. Although, I had to agree that he could quite possibly make this movie suck ass. They made him a patsy and it was great. No fan can complain that his character was a pussy.

Parker Possey. She plays a bitch so well and her performance was top-notch.

Visual Styling. I loved the time elapse photography they did in the first movie. So more of that is always good.

The only thing that I didn't like about the movie was that they didn't go in depth into the explanation as to why the vampires where trying to find Drake. It's fairly obvious, but I liked those token bits from the other two movies. Like I said as a whole go see this movie. It makes a great final chapter to this trilogy.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

I need this...

I'm stressed out people. For the people I know I apologize for being on the rag today. I'm a Remote Desktop Tier 2 Agent, but today I'm taking Help Desk Tier 1 calls. I'm nearly to the breaking point.


I could take this alternative medication.

I perfer the FUKITOL.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Fight Club

One of my favorite movies of all time. I still recall the first time I watched it. I was absolutely dumbfounded by the exorbant amount of social implication. Then all this "neighborhood" fight clubs popped up, and I thinking to myself these people missed the boat when it came to the message of the movie.

Boy was I wrong. At work, some of my co-workers and I have gotten into the habit of just beating the living shit out of each other's arms. Fight Club without getting punched in the face. We whale on each other as hard as we want. Most of the time trading punch for punch until we feel better.

In a job were I deal with external customers that sometimes could be classified as sub-human morons. Its nice. Try it sometime.

Works Great on Blood Stains

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Life of Blah

Today has been pretty blah. I have been surfing other blogs from BlogExplosion. I tend to only read the ones that look visually appealing. If it's got a crappy layout, I'm not going to bother reading it. I picked up on a few. One guy was going into the semantics of BlogExplosion. How it really doesn't increase your readership just your hit count. I hope by signing up some people find my spot in cyberspace interesting. I don't care about hit count, so I don't have a counter on my page. I just wanted to find some other interesting blogs to read. Alternatively, someone else was ranting about ranters getting pissed off at the blogs people have. To each his/her own, but geez is there some crap out there. Keep on blogging people.

Moving on...
It never ceases to be amazing the wonderful stuff you can find on the internet. It will always brighten you day. Like this bit of goodness.

Polictical propaganda can be so much fun. Even if it's against your position.

Well the rest of my week is more of the usual. I have several appointments with Cub Masters to get the final paperwork for their Charter Renewal finished. Some of my first work as a Unit Commissioner. All very exciting. Most people just laugh when I say I'm still involved in Scouting. Please refer to my previous post on being a commissioner.

Thursday is going to be exciting. My fraternity brother, Lil" Tex, is coming to Richmond and we are going to go out to the club. The two of us always have a great time.

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Things You Want for Christmas

1) Soprano’s season 2
2) Soprano’s season 4
3) Star Wars trilogy
4) Axis & Allies - revised edition
5) RISK: Godstorm
6) RotK - extended edition
7) Madison Central hoodie
8) TV - 27”
9) George Forman grill
10) Crockpot

Monday, December 06, 2004

The Puck Drops at Midnight

The place to be on Friday and Saturday nights is at the University of Kentucky's Hockey games. UK has just has a club team, but it is some of the best entertainment in town. The games are at Midnight. No Kidding. Everyone gets drunk beforehand. Be warned. No one likes a belligerent drunk, so show up and be in a jovial mood. You're at a hockey game were grown men kick the shit out of each other.

Friday night was no exception. Two of my fraternity brothers and I got together to do some pre-drinking at our friend Jenny's house. I was DD for the evening. I watched on as they washed away the cares of the semester until the morning when they had to start studying. Sometimes it's a good thing to have graduated. We got to the Lexington Ice Center early. As you should, it's always a capacity crowd. Found out seats.

Most of the First Period wasn't that enjoyable since Illinois was up 4 goals. The energy of the fans was starting to brew. Illinois's goalie recieved penality minutes for shoving one of out players and one of player got hooked in the nuts.

The second period wasn't much better. Illinois had an extremely fast player who was tiny. We will get more into that later. I think visting teams know about the intensity of the crowd, so they try to rough up the players to break their spirits. Hell one Illinois player attempted to slash one of out guys so bad he broke his stick. That got the crowd pissed.

Third period rolls around and ppl are going home because its getting late. I move up to the class to get a better spot. Towards the end of the second peroid I start calling the little fast guy a Midget. Everyone loves it. I continue to heckle him. He gets a penility and I should out, "Put that fucking Midget in his box!" The crowd goes crazy. The team is revilized and we start scoring goals. Now the hecking turns to, "Kick the Midget in the nuts!" Again the crowd roars. Now here is the thing that took me off guard. I took a puck in the chest. Some could say it was deliberate by Illinois because Number 3 was looking right at me. Lil' Tex looked at me and said, "You are da man, taking one for the team." It didn't stop me, "Put your fucking Midget in, so I can kick his ass!" The Midget was in and I belted something at him, I was inventing shit by this time. He looked and me and got cross checked like a bitch. Later our Captain got fed up with Illinois shit and took his gloves and mask off and went over the top of the Refs to waylay on the Illinois player. Both of them got ejected and the crowd loved it. Way to go Hoss.

UK ended up losing 8 to 4 but we had a blast. What a way to end the semster. When we were exiting everyone was shouting, "Fuck the Midget!" and making sure I was OK. See everyone next year.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Patience Grasshopper

Last night, I was calling around to see who wanted to go with me and one of my fraternity brothers to the UK Hockey game tonight. I called one of my brothers female friends and of course she wanted to go. She then asked me what I was doing. I said, "I have a meeting to go to but after that I'm free." She says, "We are drinking in my room, you should come on over." Who is going to pass up drinking with young, nubile women? Not me, my friend. Naturally, I went.

I rolled up and Arbanna checked me in. Let me tell ya, she was looking hot too. We take the elevator up to the 10 floor along the way, another chick gets one. She gets off on the 9th floor. Arbanna comments that someone is getting some. I laugh my ass off. Arbanna's boyfriend enlisted in the Marines (I think), so we'll just say that she is a little frustrated. The one piece of advise I can give young college students is live hard and independent while in college. Don't let a relationship tie you down. Back to the goodness of my evening. I enter the room and everyone is like, "It's Mike, give me a hug!" I'm a god to these women. The hugs and kisses are dispersed and I hit the fridge for the beer. We drank and smoked and drank and smoked some more. My brother came up during a break from studying. What did the kid do, but grab the first thing in the fridge that was food. Tara said her mom made the cheese tortellini homemade. It was orgasmic, I should have brought a change of underwear. It was damn good, people. I asked Tara if her mom taught her everything she knew. She said yes. I would so marry that girl. Needless-to-say the evening was a blast. I drank my fill and said my goodbyes. Arbanna checked me out, and I went home a slept like a baby. To do it all again tonight before the hockey game.

Arbanna, Misti, and Tara - I love you guys.

The Miz needs our help

Most people know that I'm a huge fan of Real World and Road Rules. I didn't watch much of the Real World: Back to New York that featured Mike "the Miz" Mizanin. I fell in love with him during the Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Guantlet. That is stricly a plotonic kinda love, people. Mike has always wanted to be a professional wrestling, and as a huge wrestling fan I respect that. Mike has his shot to be part of the WWE with his recent appearance in the WWE's Tough Enough contest. Please go out and vote for Mike at the Tough Enough website.

For more crunchy goodness about Mike go to his website.

Unit Commissioner

I am a Unit Commissioner for the Boy Scouts of America. What that entails is begin a liason between the units in my District and the Council. My responsibilities include ensuring the health of each one of my units with regular contact and identify issues as they arise and faciliting proper action. That's the fun part the real work comes when it's time for the unit to recharter. I have to hand deliver the recharter packet, which is one of those regular contacts. Then later I have to schedule a meeting with the Unit Leader to ensure that everything is filled our properly and hopefully sign off on the unit's Quality Unit award. All of this ensures that the professional scouters in the Council get paid and BSA as a whole is healthy.

As an Eagle Scout, I am very proud to be a Unit Commissioner. Did you know that only 2% of every boy that enters Scouting obtains the rank of Eagle Scout. It's a great accomplishment. One of the missions an Eagle Scout is given is to give back to Scouting. What better way than being a Unit Commissioner. Hopefully, someday I'll have helped to make that 2%, 3%.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Personal Computer circa 2004

My father sent me this picture today. The caption says that it is a mockup of what a home computer will look like in 2004, and the scientists readily admitted that not yet invented technology will be needed to make it work. What technology was that? The Mouse. :P Seriously, we have come a long way since 1954. But suprisingly you can view this depiction as quite accurate. What computer geek wouldn't love to have a couple of monitors hanging off the wall, several CPUs blazing on the floor, and a command couch with a printer nearby. Makes for easy porn surfing.

Let your geek flag fly!

Sparked a Phenomenon

I started this blog to tell the world about the crazy antics I get myself into when I'm drunk and other some such drama in my life. Most has been commentary on life and things around me. Mostly bitching, huh? I inpired my cubemate to create his own blog because he has some funny perspectives on things that we call Joe-isms. Joe has a post about his disgust for public restrooms which inspired several other people at work to create their own blogs, mostly about work. It's a fun and crazy place we work at.

Keep on blogging guys.

Firefox - shameless plug

Let me tell you people Firefox is the coolest thing ever. Once again I'm not the computer geek I used to be, so some co-workers had to show me how to use it. What a better way to surf the internet. Tabbrowsing is awesome. No longer do you have to have a million webpages open to all those porn sites that you will adventually have to close when the Misses comes home. One click and you are done. There are no worries about spyware and security issues. There is even an extention where you can block banner ads on pages. So people take back the internet and get Firefox now.

Get Firefox!